What a first quarter! This week’s post will be a free-write reflection of what the process of this blog has been for me, what it’s meant, my challenges, my successes, and all the things it’s added to my life. Enjoy!
Starting 52thingsthatmatter was one of the best decisions I made on my semester abroad. It hasn’t gone how I expected it to, but I can’t imagine it having gone better.
I’ll start with the hard stuff. Going to bed around 3am every Sunday night was hard. Even harder was the school day that followed, ending close to dinner time on Mondays. It was hard getting to Sunday morning some weeks and looking through my notebook to find that I barely had any concrete ideas on paper. However challenging these moments were, they each contributed to the overall success of my project thus far.
It was an interesting moment of reflection trying to strike a balance between uncomfortable oversharing and radically personal art. Do people really want to read another post about how much I miss my mom? How many ways can I say the same thing? What I’ve learned is that each time I write about my mom, it’s not the same thing. Every day in my grief process is different and fresh and painful and special. And I’m grateful for every day that I can channel my emotional energy into work that is beneficial for both me and my readers who knew her.
Mom. My forever muse. I would give anything in the world to have her back. Since I can’t, I just do my best to remain grateful to my greatest inspiration for staying with me and for growing with me as I begin to access parts of our relationship that I either didn’t recognize or didn’t understand while she was alive.
Forcing myself to wake up in the morning and write the first thing that comes to my mind was difficult sometimes, but creating personal deadlines that I genuinely want to meet each week has been such an enriching experience.
This blog has become such a huge part of my life. When I meet someone new and they ask me what I do in my free time, I always start with, “So I started this blog…”
I have gained immense clarity on where I would like to be in the next few years. Simultaneously, I have stopped worrying so much about whether I make it there in the way I expect.
I am slowly shaking my “perfectionist” tendencies and replacing them with a propensity for growth and self-reflection unlike anything I’ve ever experienced.
I am so so grateful for you, my readers, for showing support and giving feedback, and for all the incredible conversations in which I’ve been lucky enough to take part thanks to your willingness to engage with my work.
This first quarter has been incredible. I’ll see you again with another update at halftime.
And since I couldn’t leave you all without a poem this week, here’s a vague poem I wrote recently about love and physical affection, trying to practice ambiguity, and saying more with less:
An intellectual and an artist.
A man and a woman.
The apex of two thighs.
It doesn’t matter.
It’s all love.